Photo courtesy of Flicker user: Iñaki Bolumburu.
Well it finally may have happened. Someone has died, had a glimpse of the afterlife, and has returned with quite a surprising tale to tell.
Of course I am skeptical. We have a body that keeps a brain going and that brain contains a mind. Without all those organs functioning to keep that consciousness going, that’s it I think. But I understand why people have forever posited some afterlife. It’s nice to think we can meet up with granddad again some day.
But the testimony of Angel Delmundo is quite compelling. Angel was basically dead for twenty or so minutes in St. Peter’s Hospital in Austin, Texas. He miraculously revived with no brain damage and this is his story.
I was escorted into a waiting room. Another man was seated. “You will be next,” said the attendant.
“Next for what?” I inquired.
“For your first post-life evaluation at the Environmental Judgment Desk.”
“The Environmental Judgment Desk?”
“Yes now the first judgment involves how one has treated their home, the earth.”
The other fellow, who seemed nervous (who wouldn’t be?), was called in. The attendant pulled a curtain back and he entered. I could hear everything said during his short interview. I wondered why they did not respect privacy here. Then I realized at this point that there are no more secrets. And I was right!
“Have a seat Mr. Gordon, this won’t take long. We show here that you drive a Hummer?”
“Yes. It’s kind of a status thing. You see for my job…”
“We know all about your reasons for choosing this gas guzzler, Mr. Gordon. But were you not aware of its impact on global warming?”
“I did not know it was certain…” he stuttered.
Apparently they showed him some footage and a woman’s voice said, “Here are some shots of you shopping. As you can see your cart in all these pictures is full of plastic bags. Why did you not use reusable bags? You certainly could have afforded them.”
“I did not know they were a problem …”
“Here are images that show one of your plastic bags. You allowed it to blow away in the wind when you were picnicking at Allegheny Riverfront Park. It ended up in the river, floated down the Ohio, into the Mississippi and into the Gulf of Mexico. This image shows your bag eaten by the unfortunate sea turtle that mistook it for a jellyfish. And this shows that same turtle dead on a beach in Corpus Christi.”
“How did you get all these images?” Gordon asked.
“We know and have records of everything,” the man’s voice returned. “You also drank from plastic water bottles?”
“Well yes everyone did. What’s the problem?” he asked.
“The problem?” the woman’s voice again. “There were so many problems! Here is a plastic bottle that you left on the beach in Pensacola, Florida. Here you can see bits of it in this beached whale’s mouth.”
“I didn’t know!” he stammered.
“No you didn’t. We have submitted our report. You may go.”
“Go where?” They both chuckled at this.
“You will be escorted to the second judgment desk. Since you were an adult male, that will be the Gender Awareness and Harassment Desk.”
“And they have pics of that too?”
“Of course,” the woman’s voice again. “And they are not just interested in infidelity and such. They will have visual data of every encounter you have had with every woman. Recently they have focused on workplace incidents.”
A moment later I was called in.
“Have a seat Mr. Delmundo.”
The pair looked familiar. “Have I seen you before?” I inquired.
“You’ve seen pictures of us. I was John Muir and this was Rachel Carson. We have been working this desk for a while. We see that you drove a Prius.” The screen actually showed my wife and I driving our hybrid. Maria chose the color – sea glass pearl – of course they could have just called it green.
“Yes. But now that we have installed solar panels we intend, or intended, to purchase a plug in vehicle,” I answered.
“And your shopping cart,” (again numerous pictures of my shopping appeared on their screen which had incredible resolution. I did the shopping since I did the cooking.) “We see that it has reusable bags.”
“Yes. Some are plastic though. I was so disappointed when my gift from the Audubon was plastic and not cloth bags!” As I spoke they showed video of my opening the package.
Rachel Carson then spoke. “You also used reusable water bottles.” The screen showed me drinking from my Sierra Club water bottle. I was enjoying a view in the Guadalupe Mountains. “Wow!” I thought.
At that moment I felt a jolt in my chest and saw a flash of light. I was back in the operating room at St. Peter’s. Maria was there.
“Angel you’re back!” she screamed with joy.
“Yes. It was amazing! Honey, I really want to purchase that plug in.”
Ernest Boyd is an active volunteer and newsletter editor for the Sierra Club Moshannon Group. This article is part of our Summer 2018 Sylvanian Newsletter. To read other articles from this issue, please click here.