If you're more of a visual or aural learner, check out the video version of this blog post.
During the holiday season, our loved ones treat us to some of the year's nicest rituals -- and, all too often, some of its ugliest memories.
Many members of our Sierra Club community have asked how to have difficult conversations with friends, family, and community members about the climate, environment, racial justice, and the various crises facing our nation.
With the holidays coming up, many of you may be imagining just how to get out of talking about these very topics with the people we love the most -- who are often the same ones we most passionately disagree with. When our relatives voice problematic opinions, we might be tempted to stay silent to keep the peace. Or we might want to write them off as a lost cause.
But we are in a time of rising white nationalism. Our democracy is under threat, and our climate is in crisis. If you don't speak up when your family members express harmful opinions, you risk complicity -- and you lose an opportunity to encourage them to do better. The messenger most likely to begin to change someone's mind is a friend or loved one like you. Engaging with relatives you don’t agree with is one way to bring a more just world into being.
Here's some advice on having compassionate conversations on hot-button topics based on my work as an organizer and an advocate for cultural change.
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Try to create a back-and-forth dialogue. No one wants to be lectured around the dinner table, especially if they have memories of you in diapers.
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Try to listen as much as you speak and ask open-ended non-judgemental questions.
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Offer a reflection of their thoughts back to them. This is to make sure that you’ve heard and understood what they said and more importantly, they hear and understand that you were listening to them.
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But you don’t need to agree with them or show tolerance for hateful and bigoted beliefs. There is no common ground to be found with white nationalists and other extremists.
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Share stories about the life experiences that have led you to your values and beliefs. Studies show that sharing personal stories is one of the most effective methods of changing hearts and minds.
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Model patience, grace, and empathy -- even if you don’t get it back.
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And, be open to additional engagements with family members in other settings where they’ll have an opportunity to be seen as a human being, and more than just an argument waiting to happen.
Find more guidance on specific topics in our conversation guide here.
Are you ready to commit to having a tough conversation over the holidays? If you'll be talking to your friends and family, please share your experience here.