It’s Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke’s birthday today, and I know what you’re thinking: “What do you get the corrupt cabinet official who has everything?”
It’s true. When someone plays as fast and loose with ethics rules -- and possibly the law -- and helps himself to taxpayer coffers as much as Ryan Zinke does, it can be hard to think of a good birthday gift for them. So we took a look back at the last year of Zinke’s various scandals and antics and came up with some ideas to help you out:
- His very own private jet. We know how much Zinke loves to travel in style -- on the taxpayers’ dime, of course -- so we know he’d love a jet of his own. After all, hitching a ride on an oil and gas lobbyist’s plane is so last year.
- A Geology 101 textbook. Whether he’s justifying the destruction of the Arctic Refuge, denying the reality of climate change, or defending a political stunt to exempt Florida from his disastrous offshore drilling plan, Ryan Zinke loves to tell people that he’s a geologist, even though that’s never been his job. A copy of “Geology for Dummies” might help refresh his memory about what a geologist is -- and isn’t.
- A new set of office doors. In the Trump administration, being the cabinet secretary with the most egregious abuses of taxpayer funds isn’t easy, but Zinke always rises to the challenge. This spring, not to be outdone by HUD Secretary Ben Carson’s $31,000 dining set, Zinke tried to spend $139,000 on a new door for his office. He was forced to go with a cheaper option once the public got wind of his extravagant interior design plans, so he’d probably appreciate an upgrade for his birthday.
- A new calendar. Hoping to keep the public in the dark about his activities and shady dealings, Zinke has repeatedly omitted information about attendees and details of his meetings on his official calendar
- A National Park pass. Thanks to accidentally released documents, we know that Zinke dismissed the benefits of national monuments in his quest to eliminate protections for monuments to make way for extractive industries. A nice birthday tour of America’s national parks and monuments might remind him that they’re worth more than what can be mined or fracked there. Added bonus: thanks to the public outcry that forced Zinke to back down from a plan to hike up entrance fees, this one is pretty reasonably priced.
- The number for a good lawyer. As Zinke faces mounting scandals, including designating his wife as an agency volunteer to avoid paying for her travel, wasting $25,000 of taxpayer funds for security on a vacation, and failing to seek ethics’ officials approvals when taking campaign donors on a boat outing, the Washington Post reported this week that the Department of the Interior’s Office of the Inspector General has transferred one of its ongoing investigations into Zinke to the Department of Justice, meaning he may be facing criminal charges.
- A pink slip. Since taking office, Zinke has seized every opportunity to use his position to enrich himself and his friends, while selling off as much of America’s public lands and waters to the fossil fuel industry as possible. It’s long past time for him to be fired.
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